A technology company offering ‘lifestyle upgrades’ is set to showcase its products at a flagship store in the Metropolis district of Boomtown Fair. The upcoming festival is set to take place from 7th – 11th August near Winchester.
Sally, OneCor’s Head of People, said in an announcement: “The OneCor Superstore will showcase a range of aspirational, life-enhancing, A.I. designed consumer brands – including the unveiling of an as-yet-undisclosed product that OneCor describe as the ultimate answer to our environmental problems.”
OneCor’s current brands include LifeAid, a health tracker embedded into a user’s forearm which links to a mobile app, and Miracle Cream, an anti-ageing cream which tightens the skin to prevent laughing or frowning, which causes creases.
Their Colonetics service allows individuals to ‘upgrade’ their gut bacteria with a sample taken from high-achievers, such as doctors, athletes, academics and social media influences. The company is also behind the controversial PharmaBaby app, which allows would-be parents to fine-tune the design of their baby by swiping left or right. Once satisfied, the generated profile can be sent for DNA sequencing.
The Boomtown website describes OneCor’s technology as “premium lifestyle upgrades for all high social scoring citizens” and invites citizens to visit the Superstore to explore this latest technology.
As the Boomtown store was announced, OneCor CEO Gordon Romance said: “As a conscientious company, we take our responsibility as designers, innovators – and Global Citizens – very seriously. That means putting the environment first. Our revolutionary new products will not only provide you with the lifestyle upgrades to realize the Beautiful Future you deserve – they’ll also ensure you and your family preserve!”
The self-styled thought leader and global citizen dubbed Stormzy, The Streets and ‘Katlin’ Tempest “faux-rebellion-sensationalists” following their appearances at Glastonbury, commenting they encouraged “irresponsible crowd interactions” and were “melodically hollow”.
The Streets and Kate Tempest both feature on the Boomtown Chapter 11 line-up and will appear at the Fair next month. Back in September, Gordon said Kate Tempest’s lyrics were “lazy and illiterate and the shallow themes nothing short of provocative violence.” The maverick executive has long been critical of artists with “negative themes” in his social media posts and previously called for the Queen to step in to resolve Brexit.
Gordon has also dismissed the BBC’s political programming as “fake news” and applauded Kanye West “for his courage in aligning so succinctly with his elected government” when the artist expressed support for Donald Trump last September.
In a video shown on OneCor’s website, Gordon says OneCor’s brands will make the world a better place. He adds: “Our mission is to make the impossible possible to deliver social harmony”. His regular, repeated tweets include “another beautiful morning, I’m sure!” and “are you tracking with me?”
OneCor are currently recruiting ‘Global Brand Ambassadors’ who will enjoy beta trials, previews and free samples of upcoming lifestyle products. Successful candidates will also receive a VIP invitation to the annual OneCor summit and are told they’ll play an active role in shaping OneCor’s “design for a beautiful future”. A sign-up form is available here.
OneCor will also be hosting a recruitment day at the Ivory Towers Academy on Saturday 3rd August, with free entry for anyone with a ITA student ID. An event with lifestyle guru Mr Bliss a day earlier has already sold out.
This article is written from within Boomtown’s interactive maze, a storyline which runs throughout the Fair and forms the largest theatrically immersive show in the world. Some or all of this article relates to fictional aspects of this immersive show.
Anyone can become a part of the story as thousands of Boomtown citizens bring it to life each year. Watch last year’s immersive maze highlights below and join the unofficial Boomtown storyline Facebook group to stay involved ahead of Chapter 11.
Boomtown Fair takes place from 7th – 11th August 2019 at the Matterley Bowl near Winchester. Last minute tickets are still available.
– Boomtown’s front of house drugs testing service has been cancelled
– 50 of the best-dressed citizens from Boomtown 2018
– Who are OneCor? The mysterious tech company with a store at Boomtown
– Interview: Boomtown Sustainability Coordinator Emily Ford
– Boomtown are growing a tropical rainforest with almost 50,000 trees
Image credit: Paul Whitley / Boomtown Fair